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An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

From Dharma the Cat’s blog.

To check out your place in the Universe, click on the thumbnail.

(you might have to click on it a second time if it opens too small to read)

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint…it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?  We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula; that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G HI J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can’t look that old. Well, you’ll love this one….

A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:”Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty. You’re crazy to go to Rome .. So, how are you getting there?”

“We’re taking Continental,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”

A senior devotee in New Vrindaban calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.  Thirty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Pita, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

It was fun being a baby boomer… until now. Some of the artists of the 60’s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers:

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York archaeologists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. He asks the drunk, ‘Are you ready to find Jesus?’

A swami was feeling bored one Sunday and decided to take the day off away from the temple program. He told his servant he wasn’t feeling well and drove away. He stopped at a golf course about forty miles away where no one would know him and decided to play a round of golf.

http://xkcd.com/438/

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Bhakta Rory and Kalevaram das were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.

A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

“We’re supposed to find the height of the flagpole,” said Bhakta Rory, “but we don’t have a ladder.”

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, “Eighteen feet, six inches,” and walked away.

xkcd

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, “why do airplanes fly?” on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: “Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof.”

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: