namahatta.org - Congregational Development Ministry

Lately I have been feeling spiritually frustrated.
I moved closer to the temple, and thus spend more time there, and less time out in the world distributing. I have been feeling sad and kind of dead inside.

So yesterday I had enough, and I mustered up all my will power and drove after work to Venice Beach to bite the bullet and distribute again. The first moments are always PAINFUL. I don't want to get out of the comfortable and warm car and approach strangers - the fear of the unknown, the working without getting much of a material reward in return, the mind's doubts and fears - AAAHHHH.

But my book distribution coach and best friend taught me a mantra "it's gonna hurt" meaning the first minute is quite often painful like getting out of bed in the morning. But once you start the "it's gonna hurt" becomes "it's totally joyful and amazing!!!"

I forced myself out of the car, forced myself to open the trunk and grab some books, and once the books are in hand, there is not really anything else to do but go and talk to people.
Once out, I exited the mental world and caught a glimpse of a beautiful world of spirit where all interactions are based on the glorification of the Lord and people join together in His service.

Venice Beach is the coolest place on earth in my opinion, and the people so open minded and far out and creative!!! Anything goes there!! The piano player started playing Govindam Adi Purusam tam aham bhajami. Skateboarders rode by saying Hare Krishna with arms in the air.
Many people were taking books and invitation cards. People were getting excited about Krishna.
And my heart FINALLY felt at peace, and my spirit totally free. At last, back home doing what I am meant to be doing, finding my purpose and self again. The first time I ever distributed I remember coming home from the airport feeling, this is what I have been missing my whole life, this is my calling, my true purpose, my real identity. Of course, I forget this day after day and go through lengthy periods of stopping or reducing distribution, but every time back out there, it's like coming home again and feeling totally free, able to be myself - spiritually and materially - not worry about being a girl and having all these limitations and sterotypes placed on me for being a girl - not being able to stand in certain places in the temple, not being able to lead kirtana at certain times of day or play mrdanga, but out there one can utilize one's full energy and skills in Krishna's service free from limitations based on material designations. It was such a relief.

Then this one poor girl I felt inspired to speak with had her wallet stolen, passport lost, boyfriend in London where she was supposed to be, phone died, credit cards not working - totally stranded at the beach. nice girl too. I dropped her off at a 24 hour cafe where I knew she would find some nice people who could help her. Then I met Hugo and we packed prasadam and went back to Venice Beach to pass out prasadam to the hungry people there which went really well. The piano player was still there so he got some.
then we stopped off at the cafe to check on the girl. She found a lady who would let her stay at her house which was a relief.
Another man out front was a lover of Krishna and asked for prasadam.
We decided to do kirtana in front of the cafe although it was getting late - 10 pm. The kirtana ended up going on for nearly two hours!!!
The girl joined in and turns out she had had prasadam before in Australia many times, especially brocolloi curd patties. She played the egg shaker and chanted Govinda Jaya Jaya.
We did harinam around the block a few times. Someone invited us in for free salsa lessons, but we declined for this week - maybe next week we can salsa - learn some new dance moves for harinam!!
We met two men - they asked to play our guitar, so we said sure!! They did improv blues music - the Hare Krishna blues!!! We danced like anything.
This was a place where many years ago I used to go to party, so it was really fun to be there sober, and partying in a spiritual way and feeling more happiness than I used to feel back in the party days on that same street when my friends and I would dance, but to a different beat than the Krishna blues.
Then there was a yogi across the street - and he stood on one leg for about an hour - I am not exaggerating. He mimicked our guitar - he was on one leg playing air guitar for like an hour.
We had a slient communcation going on as we chanted and talked with each other through yoga poses and hand motions. I kept saying that I've never had a relationship like this before - based on silent communcation with a stranger. It was pretty cool.
We just danced like children skipping and jumping and chanting many chants.

The 24 hour cafe is called the Novel and has hundreds of books there - it is the first place I ever read Srimad Bhagavatam many years ago. Not sure if they still had Krishna Books so we donated the Gita and placed it on the shelf.

It was a fun filled evening. I felt so free to be able to not worry about what I was wearing (sari, etc. - just my normal clothes) , to not have to follow someone else's lead for once just because I am in a girl body but to be able to use my energies fully in distribution and reaching out to others and even to dance on the street. I loved seeing such creative people like the yogi on one leg and the Govinda playing piano player.

Santa Monica and venice are just the coolest places - people are full of self expression.
I was thinking about how in the spiritual world, everyone is serving Krishna with self expression and voluntary love - it's not robotic or mechanical, but conscious and joyful. I long for a place where everyone can be themselves - not have to fit in to some ideal image, but just be themselves, and serve Krishna as they are able.

Hare Krishna and thank you a million billion times to Hugo for embarking on this rare late night Krishna adventure with me yesterday evening. Today nothing compared. Everything felt empty. Temple kirtana was not the same as that street kirtana where we danced so freely and met one legged yogis. There's a whole world out there waiting for Krishna - let's go out there and share!!!!!

HARIBOL
PS I am not putting down temples or temple kirtana in any way - I LOVE the temple, I am jsut saying that we are the sankirtana movement and there is something very special about doing kirtana out in public on the streets where others can join in - it's very magical and special.